Sunday, May 1, 2011

emotional holidays

in the early holidays, what did i do? yeah, as usual im helping my father to open a small stall at the mosque. my father is a small businessman besides being a government employee. he is dealing with stuffs that we need to have or necessities to buy to perform our hajj. in short, he is selling muslim stuffs la.. so, every year starting from march until before raya, there will be a kursus persediaan haji for every saturday. this is the chance for us to grab as we can get many profits. so, i also dont know why am i explaining this to u guys. but yeah, we are working for every saturday. the whole family. to get extra income and also to share my father experiences. unfortunately im too tired and have to lock myself up in the car and i was fall asleep. when im awake, i felt guilty to my parents. and i bet u know why.

actlly the older i get, the more i realize bout what my parents have gone through. for all these 4 months, i never asked them for money, i called them, ok actlly i miscalled them, so they can call me back. hehe.. just to ask for blessing and just to let go of my homesickness. im not trying to show off, but this is the reality. when i got home last few days, i can saw how tired my parents was. and sometimes i felt guilty and sorry to them for being such an ungrateful daughter. i know i did my best for the last exams, but i think its still not enough to payback their sacrifices.

i wanna do all the chores but, laziness was out of my control. i felt guilty when i was overslept, watching tv and doing nothing. they woke up early, me? still on my comfy bed. yeah, this was my weirdest holiday of all. i havent speak too much or having any long conversation with them. im just thinking too much. when they asked, one or 2 words answers coming out from my lips.

a form have been given from the foundation centre. "borang kemasukan pelajar asasi ke program ijazah". GULP! thats all i can express. honestly, i want to be a vet. if not, i want anything as long as im involved in medic field. but my parents? juat take pertanian or anything related to it. because the job field is wider. i just remain speechless. i know they know whats best for me. and for my future. but, im not inti agriculture. yeah, ive never failed to get an A for my agriculture courses. but, thats because im memorizing the words instead of understanding them. my mum suggested me to take bussiness. no. im not interested. besides, its not on our choice list because it doesnt involve any sc subjects. ok, i thought that this can be happen for spm leavers only. but it also happen to the foundation leavers. demmit. so im in the mid of nowhere, parents or intuition. one week is not enough to decide my future.

my parents never failed to make me a strong girl :)

sorry for the typo. im typing in the dark.

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