"demmit! the form must be submit by today?"
"yes."
gosh, consuming caffeine early in the morning making my level of nervousness rises. my hands shaking, no appetite at all, my leg cant stop shaking also. the form makes me trauma for a while.
"cannot send tomorrow?"
"nope"
"wtf"
ok, stop mencarut la nabila. serves ur rite. xmau pikir awl2. blik2 postpone. x bnyk pn kna isi, just the choices of courses. 5 courses. i kept asking my friends. their opinion. but none of them can actlly help me. because at the same time, there's a thought of my parents. see? how difficult it was to make a decision, to sketch the future before we can actlly draw it.
frankly, im in such a misery rite now. i need a motivator. seriously, someone to raise me up again. to give me strength and motivation. like i used to have before. idk why im so weak rite now. maybe im not ready yet.
thx a lot to my bestie, farahin, for giving me a few words just now. i called her and cried. but, it had been 2 weeks. im tired of giving a fake smile. hypocrite me.
yeah, i did it. ive sent the form. and vet is my first choice, then biomedic, dietetic, biotech and foodtech. i dont want to regret. it brings nothing except for weakened us more and more. keep believing in myself :) now its time to have some words with my parents bout it. i know they might be disagree with my decision. but, i also knew that they will always give me support.
spontaneously, ive said this to my friend
"mau pilih course pn ssh mcm mau pilih suami mo kawin"
off to bed, pillow on face, cry
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